Friday, August 22, 2014

Blue blue electric blue

Waiting for the train this morning pouting like a character from John Water's Cry Baby
The glorious sky today from my office window - Spring in the air
My desk on Thursday morning
'I got plenty of blues and sorta bad news', 2014, acrylic and collage on found image.
This week I have learnt something very important. I have learnt how and when to say no. Literally up until right now, I have said yes to pretty much every business opportunity that has come my way. Someone once said to me "You'll wake up when you're thirty and wonder what happened" - implying that I am a bit of a 'one hit wonder' and don't have what it takes to back it up and turn my practice into a lifelong vocation. Comments and insecurities such as these have led me to have a smear of impostor syndrome - putting all my successes down to luck and coincidence. In this frame of mind, I would grasp onto most decent opportunities that came my way - no matter what, because I thought it could potentially be my last chance. I would half kill myself trying to please everyone with my yeses, trying to do as much as I could to prove myself to myself and to those who had thoughts similar to the: "You'll wake up when you're thirty and wonder what happened" person.

After probably a good 3 years of working in this way, I finally have built up the confidence to say "no" when something doesn't feel right, when a deadline is too tight, when - if I said yes - I'd be working day and night half killing myself to get it done. I no longer have to work in this way. I can curate my career more so than I thought. It's not just a random chain of events and opportunities that I must adhere to. This has been revolutionary for me.

I want my art practice obviously to have integrity, and I also want it to have longevity. I need to start making conscious decisions that will make that possible. I am still learning. Saying no is a thousand times harder than saying yes. Saying yes to everything is associated with spinelessness. I need to be tougher and more fierce in realizing my vision. I need to have a plan, a trajectory for achieving what I want. One hit wonders don't think this way. In seven years, on the morning of my 30th birthday, I am determined to wake up, call that person and tell them how successful and bad ass I am.

1 comment:

  1. I think it's very easy in this day and age to get caught up trying to please others, and forgetting to do things to please ourselves. And the darkest manifestation of this is working day and night like you describe just to make a deadline.
    I think with the book, continued commercial work for Rookie, two big installations last week you are not a one-hit-wonder. Your works are beautiful and you have a lot to be proud of.

    - you ARE a Melbourne based artist. Don't second guess yourself!