Friday, May 23, 2014

Well it all comes down to you

I am the queen of trusting my gut instinct, and, up until now I've been lucky, because what my gut tells me to do has generally been in line with what my head knows I should do. However most recently I've been getting mixed messages and I'm wondering which way to go. My head is smart and tells me to do the things that will be the best for me in the long run, even if they may suck in the present time. I know that they are the right things to do. My gut has always gone in that same direction, the practical, safe and not making waves route. Now that both are conflicting, I'm feeling pulled in two directions (can't think of a more exciting metaphor) and now I understand a whole bunch of movie/TV plots on a whole new level, you know, like why Rachel got off the plane or whatever.

Going with your gut when your gut is in contrast to your head is to "fly by the seat of your pants" as they say, to work it out when you get there, to see how things pan out... which is something I've never, ever been able to do. That route is the road less travelled (definitely for people like me), and it's scary but rather tempting because of the endless glittering possibilities it presents but of course here I must note that all that glitters is not gold when you go with your gut.

To go with your head is to "be on the straight and narrow", having calculated all risks and all possible outcomes of a circumstance or exchange, and to go down the path with the least risky outcome, sparing people's feelings, stopping things before they go too far, drinking a glass of water in between each alcoholic drink, going home early if you have work the next morning. I've been that person for as long as I can remember and it's the territory that I know well. Every action I carry out is a result of the workings of my head. I could count on one hand the times I've truly made THE gut decision, knowing full well it's probably not so smart and not so good in the long run. The thing about the gut decision though, is that I've always been glad for the experience - good or bad, once I'm back on a relatively straight path again, and it's by making gut decisions that you learn the most about yourself in different and less than comfortable situations.

I'm pretty sure I made a gut decision tonight. I could physically feel myself pulling between head and gut, or, well, head and heart - because I think the gut feels what the heart's saying you know. They were both telling me the different outcomes, one where everyone involved would get out early and relatively unscathed, and the other where I didn't know anything except how I felt in the here and now.
It's scary and probably stupid but it was what I wanted in that second, that moment, and to live with the possible consequences is something I'll take in my stride. I made that decision for me, and if a gut decision is selfish, I've made enough selfless head decisions to balance that out, and, been on the receiving end of enough poorly made gut decisions to warrant me making at least a couple in my lifetime. I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes.

Jailhouse rock looks
Drawing last night


  1. I struggle so often to follow my gut, because I'm scared of rejection, failure and hurt. Whatever the outcome, I admire you giving it a go, something I hope to do one day!

  2. ah minna you are always so mysterious, i wonder what this decision was!

  3. probably good to exercise the gut instinct once in a while, get to know when it does and doesn't work.... good luck