Right now I'm relaxing listening to Bobbie Gentry on Saturday night. I had a pretty busy week, and, praise the lord I am actually feeling a bit better re. the niggling illness that's been hanging around for months and that I always complain about here. Doing stuff is so much easier now, and, I'm actually enjoying doing stuff again. It's awesome. I hope I can still make the most of what's left of summer, before it slips away again. I need to have a picnic, that's one thing I need to make happen as soon as possible.
I have had so many moments this week where I've been like geez I need to write a blog post about that, and written a phrase down in the crazy notes section on my phone. Here are the things I wrote down:
* The right decision isn't always the one that doesn't suck
* On being "intimidating"
* On going home alone on a Friday night
* Autumn leaf falling slowly and a street musician playing 'A Change is Gonna Come' by Sam Cooke while going home alone on a Friday night
* The alter ego
* This girl told me that in high school she liked this guy so much that she'd call him up and he'd be watching TV, and he would tell her she could only speak to him during the commercials and while the show was on she'd just hang there on the phone in silence until he said it was okay to talk.
* Those people you just find endlessly fascinating no matter what they're talking about, what's the word like being captivating.
I think I'll try and put a couple of these things in context amongst relaying what I've done the past few days. I was alternating between being in the office and sitting my show at Tcb this week, and I felt really lousy about having to blow off work to do it, actually. Sitting the show has been totally fine though, and actually has allowed me to get some application writing done and get ahead on a few deadlines and stuff. I have been really spoilt in that I haven't had to sit a lot of the exhibitions I've had, and to be honest I kind of forgot that I had to do it, and like, sitting there and watching people look at my work kind of makes me a bit squirmy but it's all part of it and I have to suck it up!
Thursday night I was very excited because I was doing something social. I know. Georgie and my other friend Georgia met up for drinks after work. It was so adult. Then we went to an opening at Westspace. I had a great night. The best part was talking earlier with Georgie and Georgia, about boys and relationships and people we know and what kind of people the people we know are, you know. It was just so easy, and fun, and those girls are so quick-witted and smart and when I'm around them I feel the same. It was a real confidence boost. Then when we went to Westspace I talked to more people there. I know. I went home alone which I do quite often these days, and I really felt as though I had a good night which was the first time in forever.
Friday was a combination of work and sitting the gallery. That was a good day too because I had two great visitors, and got a lot of work done in the meantime. Because I was "so social" the night before, I was gearing myself up to go to another opening, this time by myself, but I didn't end up going. As usual, the old "I have work to do at home" which this time I legitimately did, got in the way. I had two big deadlines for illustrations fall on the 31st of Jan, so had to get everything finished off, scanned, sealed and delivered. This happened at 11.30pm and I literally fell immediately asleep.
On my way home to finish off the illustration stuff, I was getting all sentimental and symbolic as I tend to do like all the time, and I decided to walk to the station rather than get the tram and it was hot and close but I was in my own little world and kind of floated there between all the couples who won't stop holding hands to get out of your way and around the people who look at their phones while they walk. As I was walking my eye caught sight of an early autumn leaf falling slowly slowly, from very high up, and a street musician played the first line of A Change is Gonna Come by Sam Cooke, and he played it well because usually street musicians make me feel kind of anxious or something, but this dude was good, and I caught my reflection in that dirty mirror that's next to Subway and Seven Eleven on Swanston Street as you cross the road, and yeah it was like a movie or whatever but it was real so it was better, and I felt really aware of myself. I was going home alone on a Friday night, not to a party or a dinner or a date or a movie or anything, not a thing except to my pieces of paper with rainbows on them and my scanner and my internet world. I looked at other people and dreamily wondered about their plans for the evening and wondered why I am so fixated with this idea that I'm not social enough and I realized that it's rooted in this idea that I'm somehow missing out, missing out on things I don't even know I could have had, exchanges or relationships with people I'd never meet and places I'd never go. The thing is, and it's bleedingly obvious, but the more you fixate on the things you may miss out on, the more things you miss out on. I need to like, remember that one.
I'm beginning to think it's not necessarily about being more 'social' but I think it's about being a more OPEN person. Up until now I've had very specific opening hours, only letting people, experiences and exchanges in when I want to. GUYS, A CHANGE IS GONNA COME. Ha ha ha.
After that rant, I'm going to buy some Elvis necklaces on Ebay. I can't believe the idea had never occurred to me until now!
|Just what you need another picture of me looking pensive|
|A little snippet of an illustration I'm working on for It's Nice That!|
|'I'm coming for yr job' is the new Rookie mag Staff motto. Hattie designed us all tote bags, t-shirts and stickers!|
|Tavi in Dazed! Petra is also in the same issue :)|
|Drawing drawing drawing all day every day|