|My illustration for Tavi's interview with Sofia Coppola on Rookie Mag!|
|Hello, is it me you're looking for?|
|Nicole Breedon at Chapter House Lane|
|Orchids for Bree|
Right now I am actually asleep I think, because I am so tired. Last night Louis showed me his favourite movie ever and I fell asleep so I felt bad because I should have stayed awake through the end. I think I feel exhausted because I feel like I have not had any like 'alone time' in a really long time and I really hate not having alone time but then I feel like I am a bad person for feeling like that. I feel different around people than I do when I am by myself. This is strange because I am only just realizing that this is not normal? I guess I spent a lot of my teen time alone, which set a precedent for my young adulthood. Is it okay to want to be alone for a large majority of my time? Does it make me a bad person? Is it detrimental to who I am and who I want to be?
I wonder what would happen if I replied to all my emails immediately? I would probably have much less un-read message anxiety when logging into my account. I think my thing with 'alone time' has something to do with leaving emails for days at a time. I just need to have some alone time, with them.
If I was prompt and loose with my communication would I get more things done, would more opportunities arise? If I didn't have to have my alone time how many more relationships would I have had, how many more people would I have loved and perhaps lost. Would I be happy or sad. Would I feel more profoundly connected with those around me? I can only ever give so much before I stop. I've never gone over that precipice. I told you I was tired. Or asleep, whatever. This makes profound sense to a delirious me right now. I ain't winging, just wondering, by the way. Things are good because I am busy, but I always do crave being exactly where I am now, in a space where I'm probably the least alone person ever, but I can write as if I'm the only person in the world.