Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I do not want to grow up

I just don't. I don't want to be an adult. I remember when I was little and I was sick and my Nanna would wrap me in this heavy sort of machine crocheted white blanket that she had that was probably from about 1974 but always crisp and that perfect white. I'd lay out sideways on her floral couch in this blanket with one of those frilly boomerang shaped pillows behind my neck, and watch TV. I could watch whatever I wanted and Nanna would just you know sit there and genuinely watch whatever I put on or offer me a tissue or ask me how I was feeling. She'd ask me if I wanted the curtains open or closed or the lamp with the hideous corduroy shade on or off and sometimes she'd go and potter in the kitchen, preparing me a snack or a bowl of strawberries - individually cut into perfect quarters - which I'd rest nestled in the folds of the blanket. 

I think I lay there for days at a time, and, despite feeling unwell physically I just felt so unshakably safe, probably the safest I will ever feel. It was everything about her presence, the noise of her in the kitchen (maybe making me a quarter cut white bread Vegemite sandwich for lunch) you know, occasional muffled clinks but never clatters, she'd be washing dishes as she goes and putting everything back in it's rightful place. The TV guide was always at arms reach on the coffee table, folded open at the correct date and remote by its side. There was also that falling apart, sticky taped thesaurus on top of a matte golden brown coloured coaster - the same colour as my Grandad's old car. There'd be a blue ballpoint 'Reese' pen handy so she could do the crossword in the Herald Sun, unless of course she was sharing the paper with her neighbor so then she had to write in pencil and rub it out. The pen had also recorded last nights lotto numbers on her losing lotto ticket that would laze somewhere near to be thrown out upon the purchase of a new one the following day. I remember listening to her talk on the phone to her sisters, usually Ruby, about "How everyone was" you know, she was always asking how everyone else was. But, it was so quiet there, with Nanna and I watching daytime television in the lounge room. Those days, runny nosed and feverish, were some of the happiest days of my life, and that's why I don't want to grow up.

Yeah yeah, cry me a river, whatever. I've told you before I have a severe case of Peter Pan syndrome. I'm gonna go watch Mary Poppins. *Me and my issues*

Speaking of Nannas, below are some pictures from my Nanna's house, but not the Nanna I was talking about above, see, I have two Nannas, and they're both polar opposites. Below Nanna has Rothko and Pre-Raphaelites books and Persian rugs.

Okay this has nothing to do with Nannas. It's new fabric that I bought, I love it. One good thing about being an adult is that you can get a Paypal account and go online shopping for mushroom fabric I guess.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


These are pictures of me in my studio today. I hardly did any work because at the moment I am totally incapable of concentrating on anything, it's really bad. When getting dressed today I was thinking about those women in the 30s and 40s who were really cool and powerful and would wear pants which at the time was pretty wild or something, and they looked amazing and feminine and they'd sit with their legs open and stuff and had subtly muscly arms you know.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. I keep having whales in my dreams, last time there was a mother whale and baby whale who kept beaching itself, and the mother whale kept having to sort of make a wave with the weight of it's body to cover the baby in water and float it back out to sea again. I was looking down on them from a great height, from the teetering edge of a cliff which is where I metaphorically am in many facets of my life right now. . . instead of dealing with this impending doom I'm listening to The Late Night Lounge on Magic 1278 and having a great time. They just played Willie Nelson's 'Blue Skies' which is my favourite version and I feel like that scene in Almost Famous that I reference every second blog post where they play My Cherie Amour while she's getting her stomach pumped not that I'm getting my stomach pumped in my room but I like really obvious and heart wrenching juxtaposition there, I reckon it's really powerful.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Keeps me searchin' for a heart of gold

Well gee, when I've got nothing to say myself, I may as well just listen to all my live tapes of Joni Mitchell, and type out my favourite little anecdotes of hers. There's nothing like an anecdote before listening to a song, or looking at some art or whatever. I don't know why I'm calling them anecdotes, they're more than that, I just don't have the word - I mean they're sentiments, woven memories, and I love the way she speaks, in fact I kind of speak a bit like her. Anyway you may have no interest in these whatsoever but I dun care, if ya don't love Joni you're not gonna fit in very well around these parts.

"In 1965 I was up in Canada and there was a friend of mine up there who had just left a rock n roll band in Winnipeg, Manitoba near where I come from on the ferrys to become a folk singer a-la Bob Dylan who was his hero at the time and ah at the same time that there were breaks in his life and he was going in a new and exciting direction he had just newly turned 21 and that meant that in Winnipeg he was no longer allowed into his favourite haunt which was kind of a teeny bopper club and once you were over 21 you couldn't get back in there anymore so he was really feeling terrible because his girlfriends everybody that he really wanted to hang out with his band could still go there you know that's one of the things that drove him to become a folk singer was that he couldn't play in this club anymore you know cos he was over the hill. That was about the same time that Esquire magazine was doing pictures of girls in trash bins like once you were over 21 you'd had it and everything, you know there was strange philosophy going around at that time so he wrote this song it was called 'Oh To Live On Sugar Mountain' and it was a lament to his lost youth and it went "Oh to live on sugar mountain with the barkers and the coloured balloons you can't be 20 on sugar mountain though you're thinking that you're leaving there too soon you're leaving there too soon" and I thought God you know if we get to 21 and there's nothing after that then that's a pretty bleak future so I wrote a song for him, it's called 'The Circle Game.'"

"Wait a minute I wanna tell you about this person that I met. We walked inside the door and there was this guy standing there and he had a big turban on his head you know it was all white kind of dirty whites wrapped round and round and round in a big knot at the top and he had really wild red hair sticking our from underneath and he had little heart earring in one ear and a little gold loop in the other and he had real fierce looking blue eyes and you know the mark of cain on his brow you know from thinking really a lot and he was real intense looking and I said to him listen you know what should we do with this garbage and he took it out of my hand real abruptly and he looked me straight in the eyes and threw it over his shoulder all over the floor. He was the cook there and uh, came his birthday, I decided to get him something so I bought him 10 Mickey Mouse chocolate bars which were a really big deal there because everybody was collecting the cards you know and they had Snow White in Greek, you know, and uh, the Seven Dwarfs. He was really pleased because outta the 10 I gave him he had 8 new cards you know huh, ha ha. They went up to 159 and I think they were like really odd ones that nobody seemed to have and all of a sudden this batch came in and he was the first one to have these anyway it may not impress you but he was very impressed. This is a song I gave him for his birthday, I said "Oh Carey you're a mean ol' Daddy, but I like you"

Now I wanna get a little heart earring in one ear and a little gold hoop in the other. Below are some photos of stuff from the past few treacherous days, ha.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

(Not quite) all cried out


I've had a hugely hectic week, physically, mentally, emotionally, and every other ally word you got. It was a beautiful day today I bought new shoes and a fresh orange juice, but I don't feel so good. I even had an ice cream for lunch. This morning I was hungover and headachy and a few other things in one Miss Georgina Glanville's bed, which was actually lovely or something. For breakfast Cheralyn fed me Weetbix bites, which I love - the ones with berry cubes in them. And then we caught the tram into the city. I realised a few things on my journey.

So anyway I was listening to music today to fit my melodramatic mood and I maintain that I would make one hell of a daggy radio station DJ. I would be really good seriously. Here is a playlist that I made today. You can download it via this link but some people have been saying that they don't work or something so I linked each song to their respective Youtube clips for you to experience that way:

1. All Cried Out - Dusty Springfield
2. Poor Little Fool - Ricky Nelson
3. You Don't Have To Be A Baby To Cry - Caravelles
4. If You Could Read My Mind - Gordon Lightfoot
5. A World Without Love - Peter & Gordon
6. Please Don't Ask About Barbara - Bobby Vee
7. Who's Sorry Now - Connie Francis
8. Blue Bayou - Roy Orbison

Above is a photo of me today listening to Dusty Springfield. It's 9.30pm but it is bed time for me, the sooner this week is over, the better. I'm exhausted.

♥ ♥ ♥

Monday, September 17, 2012

They were out of their minds

"But already my desire and my will
were being turned like a wheel, all at one speed,
by the love which moves the sun and the other stars."

Friday, September 14, 2012

I just say God bless him and wish him the best of all good luck

"No regrets Coyote, we just come from such different sets of circumstance - I'm up all night in the studios and you're up early on your ranch"

"To see a whale in your dream represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, a whale symbolizes a relationship or business project that may be too big to handle. You are feeling overwhelmed. The dream may also be a desire to cry out about something."

Thanks dream definition website. Whenever I have dreams with whales in them, they are really vivid and strike me particularly strongly. I had a dream with a whale in it last night and I felt all weird today!
Anyway I was working at Art Guide today and I sort of like how I get to feel all grown up and professional opening up the office with my own key and going out to nice cafes for lunch. Today I went to Marios on Brunswick Street, because when I was little as a special treat my Aunty would always take me and my sisters there. I always used to get a plain croissant and a hot chocolate and my Aunty would really talk the hot chocolate up, like tell us it was the best one we'll ever have in our lives  and that they make it by just melting chocolate into a cup or something.

Today I sat at the window of Marios staring out with my head resting on my hand, next to a grumpy guy hoeing into his lunchtime medium to well done steak before going back to the office. My Aunty is all the way across the Pacific Ocean but I almost felt like ringing her up and asking her to come and meet me at Marios you know? Would've been nice. There are many whales between us. I feel like the little whale below should be swimming amongst my drawings as water. What was that? Yes, I did some drawings, see below.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Your name on a gain of rice

When I was in LA I was being a real tourist and went to Santa Monica Pier, which is a really super trashy, tacky and touristy pier lined with stalls selling a plethora of crap, this one that I found hilarious was 'YOUR NAME ON A GRAIN OF RICE'. It struck me as possibly the most useless souvenir ever to come into being thus it was hilarious. Anyway I did half seriously consider getting my name on a grain of rice but figured the amount of time it would take to get done, however long or short, would be a waste of time, so moved on.

This talk of names on grains of rice I thought related vaguely to something which is that the little 'band' I've been in for a while with Georgie and Jon Campbell has turned into a fully blown big band, with an interstate tour and recording session lined up in the near future. The best thing though is that we now have a NAME, that could be on a grain of rice, if I organized it, but the name of the band is PAMELA which happens to be my middle name. It's a great, funny sort of raunchy name (Pamela Anderson) and I really like it. Anyway see below for our theme song and keep checking back for updates on "GIGS" and other things that I can't say because I'm not cool enough. "JAM SESSIONS" ETC

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Roving Woman

My boss and mate Tavi Gevinson was on the Late Show in the US last night, talking about the new Rookie yearbook! So exciting! On the front cover of the yearbook, sort of in the middle left, is a small section of a texta drawn rainbow, that I DREW, and you know, the front cover of the Rookie yearbook was on US National TV so like I'm totally a famous artist now you guys. Anyway so I got my yearbook and ROOKIE t-shirt in the mail yesterday which was pretty exciting. There is a sticker sheet in the yearbook that features my drawings, MADE INTO REAL STICKERS. DREAM COME TRUE.

SO YEP totally feel validated because my Rookie endeavors are no longer just pixels! Other stuff in my life other than inadvertently being on The Late Show is pretty boring. I'm finishing off my thesis and feeling good about it. Actually almost slightly proud of it. I've never written this much in my life although I'd be interested to know how many words I've compiled on this blog over the years. Should have just put all that junk together and called it a thesis. I feel like I'm cheating you guys because I haven't been posting drawings and collages and stuff like I usually do! Truth be told I haven't been doing a lot of them lately because I've been in the computer lab at Uni slaving away on the aforementioned thesis and on general life stuff. Life takes a lot of energy outta ya sometimes.

THE STICKERS. You can tell which ones are mine 
A sneak peak!
My thumb is next to my famous rainbow that was on TV... bet you're all SO IMPRESSED!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

You wear it well

My friend Nellie lent me this book. IT IS TO DIE FOR. Below I have some pictures from it. 

Kinder Surprise on the way home from Jon Campbell's opening 
This picture and the one below are from a 70s book called 'Bright Ideas for the Home'

Jon Campbell for the free condom project 
A great image I found in a 1974 Nat Geo today "Boys Ugh"

I bought a whole bunch of magic eye books today... then wasted my whole afternoon
Too tired to write anything significant... Had a pretty good weekend, It went: work, art opening, work, art opening. Jon Campbell's show opened Saturday afternoon at Kalimanrawlins which was so fun. Had chips after with my friends. Got a Kinder Surprise on my way home. I'm so over the fact that it takes me so long to get home. It's really exhausting me at the moment. I'm so busy anyway and then to actually get home and get some rest is an activity in itself. I hate the monumentality of the journey. I want finger snaps to become a new mode of transport, you know, thinking of the place and snapping your fingers and being there, or like in Mary Poppins when they jump into the chalk drawing actually. That would be ideal.

Hoping for the some sunshine this week, some sleeveless shirt wearing and a few laughs.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I dunno he's always wearin' shades

Yesterday was really fun and I got to help Jon Campbell install his work at Kalimanrawlins gallery. We were hanging 85 of his tea towel works on the wall and it was funny but compared to other installs I've endured this one was an absolute breeze and lots of fun! Smiles all 'round. : ) Go see the show. Yesterday as well I got my new Leonard Cohen poster in the mail so I am happy that he's watching over me.

Today was a bad day. I was all flustered and late for class this morning and I've lost my Myki with $40 on it and in the mail I got a train ticket fine (that I didn't deserve) for $207 OH BOY AM I MAD. Anyway I'm also like oh man I have so much to do! And sitting here blogging about it isn't getting it done ya know. Self induced frustration nation! I have taken a liking to those Cadbury caramel chocolate bars so I got one this afternoon and it was really good. Best part of my day. Below are some pictures from the past few days. On Tuesday I had literally the best and most lazy day ever where my friends and I went to Heide art gallery for some art appreciation and picnic times. It was just GLORIOUS if I can say that. Now the weather has turned into a Wizard of Oz twister and it's terrible! My emotions do tend to go with the wind... ah we are ugly but we have the music.

My new Leonard poster. "Someone to watch, over me"

Above is a picture of my friend Priya's zine: 'Holy Waters Issue #1'. It's SO BEAUTIFUL and all in colour, with psychedelic drawings of mushrooms and hot babes and other cool stuff. It is amazing. You can buy it at Sticky Institute in Melbourne for a mere $4! It has a pink and orange gradient cover. Get it before they're all gone you guys! This is Priya's great blog

Mirka Mora by Albert Tucker! My favourite photograph they have at Heide
Pictures on my wall at home
New fabric that I bought on Ebay! I LOVE IT

Monday, September 3, 2012

I hope they get home alright

Okay I have a new obsession this one is serious. I told you last night I was going to watch the astronaut thing on SBS well it was called 'In the Shadow of the Moon' and it was amazing and I haven't stopped thinking about it since I watched it and bringing it up at any chance that I can with people who probably don't care about it and I couldn't even get to sleep last night because I was so excited thinking about astronauts. SO basically it lead me to form an absolute infatuation and admiration for one astronaut in particular on Apollo 11 that stayed in the spacecraft while Neil and Buzz walked on the moon - Michael (Mike) Collins. He is the absolute best guy ever, like so humble with profundities and light hearted and gave me this incredible idea of perspective on the world and life and stuff. I just love the sort of humor he bought to the whole thing, like he almost seemed to think it was kind of hilarious that they did it or something. It totally was luck though in the end I reckon, you know? I mean the largest plethora of things could have gone wrong but fate was kind.

Anyway Jethro Tull cited Mike as the most lonely person in the world or something when he was in the spaceship waiting the Neil and Buzz, in the song 'For Michael Collins, Jeffrey and Me' and in response to that he was sort of like "Oh I wasn't lonely, you know" or something so matter of fact and he is hilarious. He has absolutely no ego, which is so endearing I mean the man landed on the god damn moon.

♥ Marry me Mike Collins ♥

Yeah so I was planning on making a work as tribute to Neil Armstong (Cause he died you know, which actually was a big deal in my existence) but after *getting to know* Mike and feeling this kind of affinity with him, I've decided to make a work about him, or like for him, whatever that means, yep uh huh I bet that's more of an honour for him than sitting on the damn moon.

ANYWAY obviously I'm just joking and must be feeling better (the dreaded cold thing) ASTRONAUTS ARE SO COOL. I was thinking about some of the stuff in the movie how they talked about the vulnerability of earth just sort of suspended there in the sky, how rich with life it looked. I can't even begin to comprehend looking at everything you've ever known in a little ball far in the distance and being about to cover it with your thumb and stuff. Imagine being so far away from that! Incomprehensible. Imagine living with that experience!

I have a few issues, I know. It's 2012 and I'm just coming to terms with man on the moon. Yeah I dunno.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Summa Breeze

I got my 60s 'love' badge in the mail today! Well it came in the mail on Friday but I didn't see the parcel till today, so it was like mail on Sunday which was magical. Above is a picture of it on my wall not really where it's supposed to be but ya know it's about 3 inches wide and quite the statement...

Today I was just working on my thesis vaguely and getting over my cold, and hanging around home. I'm hoping to knock this bad boy (thesis) over soon, that will be a great feeling - and then I can focus on matters of the painting variety. Isn't it great that it's Spring? Uh huh huh. Here is a playlist that I have called 'Summa Breeze' even though it's Spring. If you want to download it, click this link:

1. Next Door to an Angel - Neil Sedaka
2. It's Getting Better - The Mamas & the Papas
3. Groovin' (On A Sunday Afternoon) - The Young Rascals
4. Wild Heart - Stevie Nicks
5. Creeque Alley - The Mamas & the Papas
6. Castles In The Air - Don McLean
7. Summer Breeze - Seal & Crofts
8. Today's The Day - America

I'm waiting till 9.30 when SBS is showing like a tribute show to Neil Armstrong, I'm SO EXCITED. You should watch it too! T-minus 9 minutes... see ya later.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Wild heart

♥ ♥ ♥

Today was the first day of Spring, and boy had I been craving it for a long time! I didn't see the season in exactly how I'd imagined ideally with blossoms and flowering magnolias and cloud puffs but it was sweet nevertheless. I'm a little disappointed though because I've still got winter hanging on hot like a fever, literally, I'm a little sick with a cold type thing and have a heavy blocked head and am very grumpy! I've had work the past two days and blowing one's nose with tissue after tissue sitting in the one spot at a desk isn't the most fun. My body's also aching because I very embarrassingly but admittedly gracefully slipped down some terrible stairs yesterday and I didn't think it was so bad at the time but I'm as black and blue as the Rolling Stones album. You guys I'm in a bad way!

This morning was lovely though and I left Louis' at the very absolute last second that I could before I had to go to work and I only ended up being about 6 minutes late, which was very impressive in the realms of my personal public transport achievements. My dreams last night were surreal and spooky, could be because I was told that the office I work in at Art Guide used to be a funeral parlor. I didn't get a lot of sleep.

I've been thinking about a few things since Bill Henson spoke at Uni on Thursday. I really enjoyed hearing him speak as I hadn't before, and he was generous and funny and I caught myself nodding furiously at his every word. As usual I didn't bring a pen or paper so I had to take very brief notes on my phone, this is what I got down...

"Longing is much more powerful than love" (Actually what I'd written said 'logging' instead of 'longing'..)

"There's an intimacy in lying on the carpet listening to your favourite piece of music" (In my irrelevant opinion, there was never a truer word spoken)

"Something powerfully apprehended but not fully understood" (No idea what this was in reference to.. but I guess I can figure something out for myself)

He is a good dude, into love and life and feelings. He said something else about how contemporary art today is scared of 'feeling', and he used my favourite word 'reverie' a few times which melted my heart. The great thing about being a romantic is that it's not hard to have an affinity with people who think similarly, despite what they think in that way about (does that make sense?)

One more real world thing before I shut up - on the off chance - does anyone out there reading this know a place in Melbourne (or around) that I can get my images printed on fabric? I've contacted a few places that claim to be into doing this but they have been less than helpful. Maybe someone's had it done before or maybe one of you owns or works at some place..? Anyway can't hurt to ask. I really need it real quick and pretty large scale.. anyway let me know via comment or email

Anyway I'm going to go back to listening to Saturday Night Party Time on Magic1278, tucked up in bed on my Saturday night.. oh boy Benny and the Jets just came on! This is wild!

A collage I done gone and made
And a sideways glance from grumpy sick me