Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Last night for the first time in my whole life I experienced lucid dreaming. Albeit only for a short amount of time - I had control over my actions in a dream. I moved where and how I wanted to and smiled because I was aware of it being a dream - not "only a dream" I hate that saying because it's devaluing it or something, it's like "Only a movie" or, "Only a TV show". Only a dream? Dreams are the innermost workings of our selves, our souls, our absolute and uncensored selves. They are not only anything more like only everything.

I am really aware of my dreams, I dream almost every night and remember them the next morning. Dreams set the tone of my day, they colour my thoughts and my actions. I listen to the radio as I sleep and I often feel that subtle hints of the songs that play at 3am make their way into my dreams. I was so pleased with myself last night - lucid dreaming was like a totally other realm of my existence I'd never been able to access. I hope I can get there again tonight. In the meantime here are some images I've been working on.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Sweet Sorrento Moon/I Remember

I am sitting George Paton Gallery today at Melbourne Uni, - the group exhibition I am in 'Is It Straight?'. I thought it would be a lonely and boring day but I had lots of visitors and I was very happy. My parents even came and bought me a mini-cheesecake. Pretty good really. Now I find myself with only half an hour left and it feels like I just got here! I made these funny apple pictures to create some kind of illusion of productivity mainly for myself.

I'm really into the opulence of fruit lately, especially in my work. I've always used flowers so I suppose fruit is the next logical step. Right now I'm thinking about this time when I was 16 and I went on a trip to America with my parents and we went to this like flea market festival thing in New York and my mind was totally blown because it really was like it was on Sesame Street and it was really hot and they had these fruit stalls with huge watermelons and you could get fresh lemonade and oranges and stuff and it was like a mirage amongst the pavement. I like fruit and flowers when they are totally misplaced or something, like they usually are. We never really see fruit growing on a tree but we see it in our fruit bowl. I don't know where I'm going with this, hopefully somewhere. Right now I'm going home from a hard days work.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

As straight as it's gonna get

Now that the two group shows I'm in are hung and happening, there's a rather short road ahead of me leading to the end of year graduation show. I have to get down to some SERIOUS studio time. I bought a new apron that you can see me wearing above, in hope that it will discourage my tendency to get distracted by hilarious conversations, trips to the supermarket, lazing about in the sun... etcetera. I can be a real artist with paintbrushes in my pockets and stuff, it's pretty exciting. Also above, what's meant to be an inspirational postcard from my Aunty in Morocco! Pretty cool huh!?

The weather these past few days has all too obviously been incredible. I feel like everyone has been rubbing their eyes in wonder at the sunlight, at the very colour of things and at their own ability to get out of bed in the morning and embrace the day. This time of the year is glorious because the mere idea of warm weather coming our way is even more exciting and encouraging than the actual thing - because as soon as you hit the actual thing the idea that it's coming to and end begins to creep in...

Tomorrow night 'IS IT STRAIGHT' the much anticipated group show I have a rather large work in opens at George Paton Gallery (Melbourne Uni) at 5pm. The show looks really really fantastic. A quote from the curator "This may well be the best show.. well, ever - in the world" and he's right! (pretty close anyway) Really worth seeing even if you can't make the opening. Oui oui!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

The late night lounge

Ah, another Saturday night listening to 'Party Time' on Magic 1278AM. I swear I used to be cool, or I at least used to interact socially with other human beings - I think I remember what it was like to have a drink in my hand waving my arms around and attempting to be vaguely witty. I am exaggerating a little of course, and I am staying home because I'm trying to be dedicated to Uni and stuff. Right now I'm supposed to be writing an artist talk, just, you know - to explain and justify my entire artistic practice in front of people. It is the fact that this is incredibly intimidating and I can't deal with it that makes me turn up the radio.

I've employed the radio tactic with a lot of things I can't deal with lately. I will admit that it has gotten to the point where I'm trying to enter competitions on the radio, like Magic has a 'secret sound' like Mix 101.1 except that the prize is like $50 and increases by a whole $5 each day that someone doesn't win it! All the old people who listen to the station can't hear anyway so they just ring up and say anything like "Ah is it pulling a tissue out of a tissue box when the tissue box is on fire and you're wearing evening gloves?" and the DJ is like "Oh.. so close! good guess Maureen - but no I'm afraid that's not correct". I love it.

Um I've also been doing lots of art art art! Here are a few recent images that I'm thinking of turning into paintings.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Vibes (As Promised)

I even made a playlist corresponding with the vibes. It's not a bad one if I do say so myself! It's very spring and makes me feel happy. You can download the Mp3 files right to your Itunes here:


I found the perfect pants at Savers this afternoon. I only had a few minutes to rush through and only very few dollars to spend but I came out with this great pair of Country Road brown checked pants. The best thing about them is that they fit perfectly. The silly jumper I'm wearing with lots of holes in it says 'UFO' over and over and then is trimmed with the American flag that says UFO on it too, I presume instead of USA. Looks like it came straight out of Area 51 in the 70s. I really like it even though it's moth eaten.

Anyway lots is going on but I always find time to go to Savers. As for my post a while back talking about how I'm lost the enthusiasm for clothes and Op Shopping I once had - I have found a middle ground. If I go to Savers the night before I get paid I only find myself with like $15 in my bank account, thus I am forced to be incredibly discerning in what I buy. I leave with only one or two items instead of five and I get the same thrill I once did. I guess this is because now I only buy quality things instead of novelty things and do not buy just for the sake of it. This is the way forward for me!

I am going to do a huge vibes post later tonight. I think, if I can muster the strength. In the meantime this is a photograph of something I sacrificed at Savers tonight due to my new budget and philosophy. I like that I now have the power to see a beautiful item and appreciate it without having to have it in my possession. This was a totally incredible 70s hand embroidered top. I had to buy my perfect pants so I left it for another soul like myself when I was younger to snap up and enjoy.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Party time drive

I had to lug this huge cardboard folder with art in it all the way home today. I am a bag lady usually but this was totally ridiculous. Nothing I ever carry is particularly heavy, just awkward. Really, really awkward. I was thinking about when you carry something for a while it becomes a physical extension of your body - you automatically allow for the extra space it takes up and you negotiate yourself differently - I find this with my backpack that I always carry.

Anyway in this huge folder I had was work I am putting in a group exhibition called 'The Kids Are Alright', at The Papermill gallery in Sydney. The show opens August 23rd so if you are from Sydney or will be in Sydney then, you should check it out!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Les Parapluies de Cherbourg

Last night I watched a 1964 film called 'The Umbrellas of Cherbourg', lent to me by a friend at Uni. The entire script is sung in French and visually it is beautiful. I took some screen caps that are too good to hide in my 'inspiration' folder on my computer.

Latest Craze

On all the other blogs I follow of blonde babes in Sweden it would appear that the 'latest craze' is GIFs. Anyway I recently got the new photoshop and started playing around, above are obviously the results. Join in the chorus of 'TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS'.

I woke up in the middle of the night the other night and couldn't get back to sleep. I always get really desperate and try really weird things to get back to sleep, including imagining that everything is bigger than it actually is - which was advice given to me by a dear friend of mine at 6am when I was trying to sleep on a moldy couch next to an estonian backpacker I didn't want anything to do with. It worked.

Anyway the other night it didn't work so I put on Charlie and the Chocolate factory really loudly and closed my eyes and tried to imagine the whole movie in my head. It worked. I suppose the success of these haphazard remedies depends largely on the circumstances of why it is that I can't sleep.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

How I feel now

Helen Frankenthaler 'Small's Paradise' 1964

Helen Frankenthaler said this about the first Jackson Pollock show she saw in 1950: "It was all there. I wanted to live in this land. I had to live there, and master the language."


I lost my bearings on the way home today, both literally and metaphorically. It was dark and raining and after an exhibition opening I got on the wrong tram and realized all too late that I was going the wrong way. I got off, and rather than asking someone or consulting a route map I decided to walk to where I needed to be. So I walked, I walked through the whole city in the rain and I really needed to do it.

I love walking. I love the idea that you can get somewhere totally unreliant on anything else but your physicality and will to move one leg in front of the other. I thought a lot when I walked tonight, not unusual for me however the combination of a little left over teen angst with the rain and my lack of umbrella and the fact that I just finished reading John Green's 'Looking For Alaska' and people outside restaurants asking me if I was "dining alone tonight?" made for a few overarching philosophical thoughts/questions that boiled down to this real corker "What the hell am I doing?"

After my journey home that - including walking time and train time and wrong tram time - took about two hours - I came to the conclusion that I don't know. Not only do I not know what I'm doing, but I don't know what I want. I also came to the conclusion that I think I'm okay with this. What matters to me right now is that the sun rises tomorrow and shines on my face through my window and I get out of bed and smile at some point in during the day. That I draw and write and think and read and listen. That I spend time with those who make me laugh and cry equally and I feel every spectrum of happy and sad.

I'm just going to keep walking, not knowing where I'm going. Maybe people will choose to walk with me for a few blocks, in the rain, with no umbrella - but if not, like tonight, I'll make it home safe eventually and into bed thinking about that sun tomorrow. Winter sun, but sun that lights up that sky nonetheless.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


I have a rather large jealous streak, and it's incredibly unattractive. It's unattractive because jealously reeks of insecurity. I am resentful of my envy that rears its ugly head in the presence of beautiful, smart, confident, popular, got-it-all girls of which there are many at VCA. I resent these feelings because as women we're supposed to be part of a 'sisterhood', where we cast off the shackles of yesterday and march shoulder to shoulder into the fray... (Well done, Sister Suffragette? Anyone?)

Jealousy is so unfounded, and interestingly it's totally not about the person you're jealous of, either. It's  entirely descended from you and your insecurities. Most of the time those I'm jealous of are only people observed from a distance, a friend of a friend or an absolutely drop dead gorgeous girl everyone looks at as she enters the room. My jealousies are mostly materialistic, and anything not of that persuasion are usually almost entirely fabricated in my head. Jealously is irrational, a close relation to paranoia and anxiety - it causes you to jump to conclusions, to be entirely convinced of your paleness in comparison to the threat.

Most of the time one has nothing to be jealous about. It's merely a circular outlet for our insecurities that can keep them entertained for ever. I always think though, if I just stopped being green with envy and fathomed enough confidence in myself to hold my head as high as the got-it-all girls, I'd have nothing to be jealous about, because I'd be one of them. If you are jealous then no-one's going to be jealous of you, right?

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Out on the weekend

"She got pictures on the wall,
they make me look up
from her big brass bed.
Now I'm running down the road
trying to stay up
somewhere in her head."

Today I got a new brass bed-head which I really like. Ultimately, I would like a huge wooden four-poster bed with sheer fabric draped over the top but we can't always get what we want so in the meantime this will do nicely. I remember when I was a child and my Aunty was in her 20s (and the coolest person I knew) we would sit on her four poster and she'd give me these 'art lessons' - we'd look at big heavy books on Matisse and Mary Cassett and Arthur Boyd. There's something about looking at big heavy books on a bed that is totally incredible. I think it's the contrast between the weight of the book and the weightlessness of you being on the bed. I like how the book sinks into the mattress a little too.

Anyway back to me and my new brass bed-head. I was reminded of the above verse from the Neil Young song 'Out on the Weekend' which I love. I like Neil Young because his lyrics are incredibly basic and use naive rhymes yet are still poignant. When I was younger probably about the same time in the mid 1990s that I was on my Aunty's four poster bed I was totally infiltrated with the Neil Young album 'After the Goldrush' thanks to my Mum. More recently, as I've grown up I've graduated to his album 'Harvest' which was given to me by a friend recently.

A favourite thing of mine is getting given CDs from people that they think you'll like. It forges an emotional attachment to the particular music or artist that remains with you for the rest of your life - or I like to think it does. It is in this way that music can be transporting. Nothing brings back the aroma of a particular experience like playing the album or artist that is intrinsically linked with it in your mind.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again.

It's Saturday night with Elvis, my lava lamps, and Hitchcock. It's time for a vibes post.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Gimme Shelter

In class we watched Alfred Hitchcock's 'Rebecca', which I enjoyed immensely as did my classmates around me - we even applauded at the end. Coincidently I was at Savers tonight and found a 1970 copy of the book the film was based on. I'm really excited to read it of course after I have reached the age of reason.

Nurse the tooth

Uncensored photos from my Iphone #1