Rain rain go away

This fucking rain. (I hardly ever swear). Can it just stop please. I have things to do. I wasn't feeling much like going out last night because of the rain, which sounds pathetic, and is, but it just does something to you physiologically. I braved the weather though, as a half-hearted 'goth' (for Halloween) and ended up having a really really great time. It's rare, but sometimes you just have a really good night, you know. We had the smoke machine and the strobe light and it was seriously going off with Eminem in the tiny living room of my friend's house. Then I had work this morning. I felt like raging all night but it's against my responsible nature that comes out when I have an 8 hour shift the next day.

It's rare, but I love it when I get in these moods where I just honestly do not care about anything like the time or money or whatever. Although I usually pay for my bouts of freedom the next day, I just love honestly being like WHATEVER. The saying "whatever" is great. I use it often but because I'm so uptight I only rarely really mean it. I really mean it at times like last night when I just really feel what actually matters, like money doesn't matter and it doesn't matter if you're hungover for your stupid part time job or it doesn't matter if you can't get home because that's what being a teenager is about and I feel like I'm better at being a teenager now than when I was really a teenager. I only have a month left of being a teen so I better make the most of it. Or whatever. Whatever really. Fucking whatever.

It's too late for DIY philosophy

I was thinking today. I was thinking about living and dying. If you had the opportunity to live forever, then what is living without dying? You cannot have life without death, just as you cannot have death without life. If we were granted eternal life, does this making living just 'existing'? So if life does not exist without death, then the concept of eternal life is an implausible. Eternal existence is more accurate, I think, or the most accurate you could get when trying to describe an indescribable state.

This reminds me of when my little sister was littler, and she used to refer to times before she was born as times when she was 'dead'. Mum used to always explain to her that she was not dead, just not alive yet. Where there was no life, there was no death - just non-existence. That state of nothingness really freaks me out. For thousands of years we were totally non-existent nothing and now we are something that's everything we need to make our nothing into something, if we so desire.

This always happens

I very rarely get haircuts because never in my life have I found a hairdresser who has done

a) A good job with my hair b) What I wanted with my hair and c) Made conversation that did not numb my brain.

When I go to the hairdressers, the women are always like "IS THAT YOUR NATURAL HAIR COLOUR?!" "I can't BELIEVE that's your natural COLOUR!" and they literally don't believe me. They're like "But why are your eyebrows a different colour?" and I'm like "I DON'T KNOW SHUT UP JUST CUT MY HAIR OR GIVE ME THE SCISSORS BECAUSE I'LL PROBABLY DO A BETTER JOB"

The last time I went to the hairdressers, which, mind you was over a year ago, the women who was cutting my hair said "Did you used to get teased for your hair colour in school?" which was an oh so intelligent and complimentary remark. Although, at least she believed it was natural.

Yeah!

Last night I went to a book launch at Readings in Carlton for my lecturer's book! Jon Campbell is a Melbourne based artist and musician. He read an excerpt from his book and then played a few songs with his band 'The Olympic Donuts' which takes it's name from this amazing donut shop at Footscray station, which I have been to many times. The jam donuts are 70 cents and are filled with jam from the mouth of this plastic dolphin. It is the greatest thing ever.

Mass-observation

I was watching this cool show the other night on ABC that talked about this social research thing that started in 1937 called 'Mass-observation'. It was a private organization where untrained people went about being 'spies' and recording people's conversations, interactions and activities. They found out weird statistics like what is the average number of chips in a serving is (26 and 1/6) and it was a fantastic insight into the everyday, average mundanities of life in London at the time.

So I have started working on my next Zine, and with this in mind I'm going to make it a weird assortment of snippets of crude mundanities, as well as things I have written and drawn. Going to attempt to finish it before Uni speeds to an end in a little over a week. Time certainly does hurtle.

Stuff 4 stuff

I'm selling some more stuff on Ebay, some stuff I struggled to part with... have a look. There's a really cool Van Gogh printed skirt.

http://shop.ebay.com.au/minna2/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p3686

Right, well

At work, my favourite thing to do is make milkshakes for people. I like making milkshakes because of the following reasons:

1. I get to use the artificially coloured toppings. My favourite one to use is blue because it looks so ridiculously unnatural. I usually put in lots of topping when I am making milkshakes for children because I know they will like it and it will piss off their parents later when the sugar hits their blood stream.

2. Sometimes I 'accidently' make too much milkshake so it doesn't all fit in the glass, then I get to drink the left overs.

3. With the topping, I do little designs on the top of the milkshakes, as a kind of finishing touch or cute thing for kids. I'm meant to do like a love heart or a squiggle but when I'm feeling in the mood I do a pentagram. There are these church people that come into the cafe' and I do cute little strawberry flavored pentagrams on the milkshakes for their kids.

HELLO!?

It's Friday night. I'm sitting at home after work really wanting to see people and have fun times, but really not wanting to leave my house. Ideally, I would like the locations of all social engagements tonight be rescheduled to my room. I actually would really like this to happen in reality right now. Sometimes I wish that the fun could come to me instead of me going to the fun. I know I live far away but once you've braved the journey it's really not so bad...

I really like it when people come and visit me. It's nice. I should encourage it to happen more often. I know I'm just going to sit here all night. This is super lame. In the immortal words of The Drifters or more currently Nelly: "come on over to my place"

SWEET DEAL

My new word obsession is 'sweet', I've been saying it in response to just about everything, it's probably incredibly annoying. For example, I found a dress at Savers this afternoon from the 90s with pictures of oranges and lemons all over it for $6.99. It was a sweet deal. I also bought a record called 'France 1928 to 1954', which I am playing right now, it is so great for feeling transported back in time and stuff.

I have work tomorrow which is not a sweet deal, in fact it's a sour deal but I need the money for funding my lavish lifestyle of purchasing citrus dresses and cheesy records. I want to go to Uni though, I really love Uni at the moment. I've been doing solid 8 hour days in the studio which is great. It's really quite good. We only have 2 more weeks left, I can't believe it. I don't really want to be on holidays just yet. Holidays make me apathetic and less motivated. I also hate the lack of schedule.

Fate is kind

I am so glad my train was cancelled today, because then I wouldn't have had to wait 30 minutes for the next one, thus not having time to go to the Op Shop and find THIS NECKLACE:

There are no words.

Poems

Also, I have been writing 'poems'. I really, really love it, so much. My next zine will be a combination of my writing and drawings. I am so excited about making it. Here is a poem I wrote tonight. They're kind of jumpy and lame and amateur and crude but I feel like writing expresses exactly what I want, what I want to say. I am obsessed with 'crude' at the moment. I want everything I make to be kind of crude. Not rude, but crude.

With the permanence of ink I recall my irrevocable loneliness that

held my like wax or a sultry gaze in a haze,

like the beauty of a brittle wrist

and the thin skin around your eyes.

I loved it like sand,

and your awkward thighs.

Fake flowers in my hair as I was by myself

the plastic I thought

would help.

I'll kill her

Ah, long time no blog. Apologies, and I don't even have any real reason why I haven't been rambling on here. The only thing I can really remember doing is watching E.T, working, and drinking a cocktail on Friday. Oh and drawing and stuff. Here are some scans from my latest sketch book.

It's definitely the sun that is making me feel different. It's so good. Today my friends and I went to the Abbotsford convent and sat in the sun all afternoon. It was so lovely. I picked some daisies and put them in my hair but now they are wilting quite tragically and I probably should remove them. I also put a bunch of things up for sale on Ebay so I can get money to buy more things. The link is here if you want to check them out http://shop.ebay.com.au/minna2/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p4340

Magic Spells

I never promised you a rose garden.

Uncertain destiny

Is everyone in the world in a hideously good mood or is it just me? It's sickening actually but I love it too. All I have to think about is art. It's fantastic. Art is it all.

My new life philosophy is to go with the flow. I am going to attempt to be less uptight, maybe stuff around a bit more or something. It started with art and now it's seeping in to my life. I can do whatever I want. My scribble drawings were the precursor for this drastic change of heart. As soon as you let go of all constraints and rules everything falls into place. With these drawings I get out exactly what I want to. We must learn to unlearn everything and go back to primal basics of expression without the attempts to reproduce what is already there, to create new environments and spaces within the one we inhabit. I'm so excited.

Running on bravado

I am very tired so the words I string together are likely to be both boring and nonsensical. The recent appearance of the sunshine has been making me feel different. I think it's making everyone feel different. There's something else in the air that is lighter but also surreal. Things look weird in the sunlight. My skin feels warm and the light is around longer than you feel it should be.

Though, I catch myself smiling, humming, feeling like listening to Shakira, reading about Stonehenge and painting. Something is in the air. It's either spring or love or like or nothing at all but I don't care. Opposite to everything my brain tells me to do, I think I'm just going to see what happens.